Life is busy. Sometimes I get all caught up in the go-go-go and find myself lacking time to truly feel, truly think, and truly have time to reflect. Then, when you least expect it, you get a tiny moment that brings your go-go-go life to a screeching halt. My screeching halt came today from a Facebook friend request.
June 11, 2005 is a day that I will never forget. The day that I got a phone call that shook my world more than it probably ever had been. A day that is so blurry, and yet so clear at the same time. It's the day I found out my good friend Theo Allen had died.
I was a junior in high school at the time. I was on the countdown to summer vacation. We only have about a week left of school and we were all thrilled to finally be top dawgs at CHS... Seniors in high school! The night of Friday, June 10th was spent gathered around my parents' dining room table sharing stories, counting memories, and laughing uncontrollably. Slowly, friends began to leave one by one getting home in time for their curfews. Theo had hung around and was one of the last to leave. We had a special relationship. We had been close since he moved to Cashmere in 7th grade. We had countless inside jokes, countless funny stories, and things were always easy between us both. Theo had been adopted from Ethiopia and is the inspiration (that sticks with me to this day) to adopt a child from there someday. We had a bond that goes beyond words and yet, I still search to look for in other friendships. That Friday night when our final stories had come to a close, and our stomachs had grown in pain from the laughing, Theo said something to me that has stuck for all these lasting years. He stood up to leave, walked over and gave me a huge hug. Hugging Theo was nothing out of the ordinary. It's what he said that has clung to my heart. As he grabbed me to hug me, he whispered in my ear "I will never forget any of this". I hugged back and agreed, but never really thought anything of it.
The next morning, my family packed up and headed to Seattle to cheer on my sister Kayla as she graduated at Quest Field from Seattle Pacific University. We cheered her on in the stands (being soaked by the Seattle rain), celebrated with family at Cheesecake Factory, and then headed to my grandparents house to spend the night in Camano Island. Walking into my grandparents house, my cell phone began to ring. Noticing it was my friend Phillip, I answered. After barely getting out "Hey Phillip!" he snapped back with "Theo's dead Shawna". Instantly, I replied with the only word that came to mind, "What?". Without a blink, Phillip replied "Theo's dead". That was the moment I lost it.
You know never know how you'll act in specific situations until they actually happen. I, for one, did not expect what came out of my mouth next. I began to yell at Phillip telling him that if he was trying to play a joke on me, it was the sickest joke ever. Between my breaths of yelling, I could hear him crying on the other end. "I'm not joking Shawna", he replied. The next few moments are a complete blur. I remember dropping the phone. I remember falling to the ground. I remember my parents running in. I remember throwing up. I remember laying in bed. I remember my phone ringing off the hook, but me not having enough energy or clarity to answer it. I remember laying helpless in bed for what seemed like days. How could he be gone? How could a guy I had just hung out with and had plans the next day with be gone? Why now? Why him?
I have never cried harder or deeper than I did that day. I have lost other loved ones, but due to old age, disease, or sickness. I had never experienced quick death. Something I wasn't expecting. Something I hadn't prepared myself for. I barely remember the drive home to Cashmere. I remember laying in the back of the car feeling weak, confused, and in a fog. Halfway home, a song came on the radio.
"Dancing with the Angels" by Monk and Neagle. God knows exactly when and where to swoop in for the save doesn't He? That song completely encompassed Theo and the life he lived. It had been a completely silent ride home and I popped up to see my mom in complete tears. No words were spoken between us, we just knew exactly what we both were thinking.
It was that moment also that I remembered what Theo had told me the night before. "I will never forget any of this". The power of words. The power of perfect moments. The power of God. He is so good to us. Something that seemed like nothing than a casual comment to me the night before, had turned into a brief moment of bliss that has lasted me years. It was the perfect ending to the story. It was exactly what I needed. I was so... Theo.
"To give anything less than your best, is to sacrifice the gift." (Steve Prefontaine) This was a quote that Theo lived by and one that our class ended up painting on a wall at the school as a final parting gift after we graduated. His life left an impression on so many people. It definitely shook me. He lit a fire inside me I didn't even know existed. The fire to see broader than the U.S. The fire to explore. The fire to make a difference. The fire to live a life that is pleasing to God and helpful to others. Of course, like I said before, life gets busy. We get sucked into the go-go-go of society needing to fill these checklists of going to college, getting a job, getting a home, getting married, getting a masters or more, getting a family, getting more to prove ourselves as successful, and yet keeping balance of a friend-filled life all at the same time. Get, get, get, but where do we give? Where are our moments to let God use us fully? Because all in all, isn't that our true purpose here? Letting God use us fully to give?
It's been six years since Theo's accident, and yet I still have that aching pain inside me to see him. I am constantly reminded of him, from the Ethiopian cross I have hanging in my car, to the pictures around my house, to the feeling I get inside when wanting to do more. I have had the honor of sharing his story and his spark for life to many people. I've been lucky enough to share with my students the importance of life, the importance of relationships, and the importance of "living to love".
And yet, once again lately, I've gotten busy. But thanks to God, my life came to a screeching halt again today. I have a huge checklist of things I needed to get done. But it's the small friend request that just turned my productive day into a day of reflection, a day of feeling, and a most importantly a day with God. Susan Allen (Theo's mom) asked to add me on Facebook. It's funny how by just seeing a name can bring back a whirlwind of feelings, emotions, and desires.
When Theo died they started a fund called the Theo Allen Memorial Fund for teachers at Cashmere High School. Each year, the graduating class nominates one teacher that they feel is the most deserving for this award. The teacher receives this money to use for personal use only. Theo had a thoughtful heart for teachers who give their all to their students and their career and felt that more praise was needed for them. This fund continues to grow and is such a wonderful gift not only to the teachers, but also the community.
Now, six years later, the Allen family is starting the Live to Love Foundation "that challenges each of us not to preach, witness, confront or condemn, but like Theo, extravagantly "love" people to Christ one relationship at a time." Seeing this, I couldn't be in favor more! I'm excited to see what's going to come from this foundation as well as give as much of a helping hand with it that I can.
So why post all this? My life screeched to a halt today and I needed to reflect. Also, I'm hoping to give each of you a sliver of hope, a glimpse into the life of an amazing man, and whole lot of love to pass on to those around you. I pray you dream big, give more, love lots, and most importantly praise the God that gives and have given us the best gift of all... life.
What an amazing devotion to Theo, Shawna. The tears are flowing! He truly was an outstanding person and I know on a personal level how much he touched your life during his time on this earth. What a great reminder for all of us to "live to love."
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